Til Debt Do Us Part

Over the past couple of days, I've encountered several articles about weddings. Topics range from how to let your guests know you want cash a a gift http://tinyurl.com/d7spze, to how to save on wedding expenditures http://tinyurl.com/cghrqn. Couples are expected to spend 6.49% less on weddings in 2009 than in 2008, according to The Wedding Report, an industry tracker. I think that percentage should be much bigger. Somewhere along the line, the wedding industry, and the overall concept of what a wedding should be, got out of control. This applies to parties related to other milestones as well (i.e., Sweet Sixteens, Bar Mitzvahs, Baby and Bridal Showers, etc.). A wedding is about getting married, and celebrating that with your friends and family. It shouldn't be a reason to get into debt, and it shouldn't rely on the checks from your guests to help you break even. You don't have to resort to wine and sponge cake like my mother used to threaten me with, but do you really need a sushi station and a flaming Viennese table?

A long time ago, a colleague of mine told me a story about her own wedding. Her father gave her a choice. He said she could either have a $25K wedding (I think that was the number, but not important), or she could use the $25K to put down on a house and have a small informal gathering with family and friends. She took the money, and never regretted it. Close family and friends had a golf outing and a barbecue when she and her husband returned from their honeymoon. This option is not for everyone, but think about it, a house is a place to live for years to come, a party lasts for a few hours.

By now you're thinking I'm just a Grinch. Not at all. If you want a fancy wedding, or a fancy sweet sixteen for your daughter (I won't go into how sexist and outdated I think these are) go for it. But, please save up for it first. Think about what's important to you versus what you think will impress others. Don't get sucked in by the reality TV shows, these are not most people's reality. Remember, if you can't afford to pay cash for it, you can't afford it.

If your marriage is meant to last, it won't make a difference how many guests you had at your wedding, whether you gave away Lenox swans or some other piece of clutter people end up feeling bad about throwing away, or whether you (heaven forbid) rose up out of the dance floor surrounded by dry ice smoke. Why start out your life together in debt? Like I've said before, enough is as good as a feast.

Just one thing. If you can't afford an open bar, either don't serve liquor or put wine on the table. A cash bar at any family occasion is just plain tacky.

Did you have a great wedding or other family event without going into debt? I'd love to hear your story.